I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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