Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
