he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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