yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
