Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
