Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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