shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
