Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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