Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
