Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
