i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
They have beer where we have blood.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
