my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
