This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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