I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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