The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
