When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
