ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
