sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
