I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
