I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
