I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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