Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
