3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
