When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
