I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
