In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
