Already got asked if we're dating
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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