Princesses don't give blow jobs
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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