You can't motorboat a personality
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
