Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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