Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So much rum. So many feels.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
