he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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