Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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