Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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