o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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