Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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