She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
