I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
