I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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