i just wanna soil my oats bro
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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