Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
