I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
