I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
