real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
