he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
