You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
