I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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