I cockslap morals
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
