i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
