I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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