you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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