I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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