Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
