Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
